Swinging back and forth

Do you ever get lost in your head from one simple quick comment that should have meant nothing? That was this week for me. It started off tired, I have just got back from a trip and all my energy was gone. The week went fine until someone in my life confirmed something I had been thinking about myself. It was quick, not even really a major part of the conversation but that little comment stuck with me. It sent me down a spiral to the point where I couldn’t focus on Dnd on Wed and Thrusday very much. I also ended up not streaming on Thursday because of it. I’m sure the person that it came from didn’t mean any harm and that they would barely remember their comment but it stuck with me. In my head. It was so frustrating.

But then something amazing started to happen. My Tiktok account started to gain a lot more followers. I know it’s not much of a thing but it was the opposite of what I had been thinking. Maybe I wasn’t just super boring and annoying to watch. Maybe, just maybe people who came back to watch my streams really liked to be there and were not just showing up to be nice. Maybe just maybe I might not be as bad as I thought.

This of course was quickly countered by my brain. “Oh this is just a trending sound” “Oh this is just by chance” and ya some of that may be true but I still think its me as well. I’m friggen cute and worth it! I’m worthy of making friends and having fun streaming. I’m worth it to have a lot of people follow me. I’m not just someone who is super boring but someone who is cozy and welcoming. Someone who can provide comfort is this very fucked up world. At least that’s what I’m gonna try to do.

Ugh, depression sucks!

This has been a constant struggle for me and is often a reason I will skip a stream in a week. I’ll have a flare up of no confidence in myself and will just say yup nope. It’s hard to counter it.

But anyways! Hope you all have a great weekend! Next post will be haring the stickers I made on Tuesday. AND NO I’M NOT GONNA CHANGE THEM EVEN THOUGH I THINK I CAN DO BETTER, AVERAGE IS OK!

Love,

Lost